A Dare
by Emurlee
Summary: The Lady Roxanne agonises over a kiss she received because of a dare. A kiss that changed her life. One-shot.


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In A:TFA, Alanna takes Jon to visit George for the first time. She can't take Gary, because he has been "restricted to the palace for one of his numerous pranks." George knows about it: "So Gary kissed Lady Roxanne? I'd've kissed a sweeter armful, myself." Lady Roxanne is never mentioned again, but you've gotta feel for the girl. ^^;

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None of these characters belong to me… all are the property of Tamora Pierce.

~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~o~

The Lady Roxanne pinned her hair neatly on top of her head, securing it with grips. She prided herself on the fact that she could do her hair all by herself, as many young Court Ladies could not.

She stood up and smoothed her emerald skirts with dignity, examining herself in the full-length mirror. Roxanne knew she was no beauty. Her hair was a muddy brown colour, dull and lank, although it looked nicer when it was up. She was not at all thin, though she thought the green dress was quite flattering. It hid her thighs, for one thing, and for another it emphasised her assets above, which she liked. She did not like her face, however. Her eyes, although large, were brown and dull, the same as her hair. Her front teeth stuck out rather too much, and that combined with the shape of her face gave her an altogether rabbity look. A fat rabbit, she decided emphatically.

She sighed mournfully, turning and craning her neck to see her back in the mirror. From the back, she thought, she looked less like a rabbit and more like a cow. A large, plump, ugly cow.

She _did_ like the dress. It was emerald silk, very expensive, with golden embroidery on the bodice. Her parents had bought it for her only a few weeks ago. She was wearing it that night for a special reason. There was a ball, and there would be many people there. Many, many…

Another mournful sigh pushed its way out of her. She _hated_ herself.

Her eyes filled with tears, which she brushed away quickly. She _knew_ Gareth had only kissed her for a dare. He had probably got money from his friends for it. But the kiss had set her heart to pounding in her breast, and her hands shaking violently. She was just fifteen, and had never been kissed before that.

She had been there when Gareth got in trouble from the Duke about it. Someone had seen them and reported them. She had almost cried when Gareth took all the blame and left her clear. She would have been clear, anyway, but it was still terribly noble of Gareth to do that. She had _almost_ cried. Roxanne never cried in public. She didn't want to look any weaker than she already did. In private, however, was a different matter.

Roxanne knew she wasn't attractive. She wasn't even remotely pretty. She tried her best, but she always came out looking like a rabbit, or a cow. Or worse. She eyed her hideous reflection, her eyes filled with tears again. She _wished_ she could look as beautiful as some of the ladies. Even the younger ladies were prettier than her.

"I hate it," she muttered rebelliously, turning away from the mirror in disgust. "I wish looks weren't so important. I wish I could be like _them_." She hesitated, then spoke her feelings aloud. "I wish Gareth could like me for who I am, not hate me for what I look like."

A knock on the door silenced her miserable whispers.

"Lady Roxanne? The banquet is to begin soon. Your father bids you come."

"I am coming," she sighed, checking herself in the mirror one last time. She scrubbed at her slightly reddened eyes roughly, wiping away the last of the tears, then opened the door.

The maid outside bowed. Roxanne forced a smile.

"Please come, my Lady," the young woman said. Roxanne followed her down the hallway towards the banquet hall.

She caught sight of her parents immediately. Her father was in discussion with Duke Gareth the Elder himself. Lord Robin of Port Caynn was a revered man in Corus. Roxanne's mother, Lady Lucille, was talking quietly to a young woman Roxanne didn't recognise. Her eyes lowered modestly, she made her way across the room and sat in between her father and her mother. She could feel people staring at her, and blushed furiously. The news of the kiss she had shared with Gareth the Younger had probably travelled all over the palace by now.

"Hello, Roxanne," her mother murmured, tearing herself away from her conversation for only a moment.

"Hello, Mother," Roxanne replied, but Lady Lucille was already engrossed in conversation. Roxanne sighed and rested her chin on her hands, her eyes unconsciously scanning the room.

Then she saw him. She felt her face begin to turn a shade of red. How humiliating. He was all the way across the hall, talking animatedly to his friends and causing more than one laugh, but she could see his face so clearly, as if he was just in front of her. She could even see the twinkle in his laughing eyes, that same sparkle that he had borne when he kissed her. Roxanne silently choked back a sob. If only, if only it _hadn't_ been a dare, and he had kissed her of his own accord! If only…

Normally the pages would serve the meal, but it was the wedding anniversary of King Roald and Queen Lianne, so servants were now bearing bowls of scented water. Roxanne dipped her fingers into the water and dried them on the small towel provided. She knew the meal would be coming soon… but she was not hungry.

Roxanne was in love, with he who kissed her because his friends bet he wouldn't.

~o~

She never forgot him. He was always there, in the back of her mind, threatening to push out. She did not see him close up, only from a distance, but even that was enough.

The years passed, and her memory of him diminished. But she never forgot him truly, so when she saw his back at a ball, so many years later, she recognised him instantly. And Roxanne used her only resources of courage, built up over two decades, to talk to him.

"Hello, Sir Gareth," she said softly.

He spun and gazed at her uncomprehendingly for a moment. Then he blinked, and blinked again,

"Lady Roxanne?" he asked at last. A small smile flickered across her lips, and she curtseyed to him.

"I'm honoured that you remember me," she told him, lowering her eyes. In her late thirties, Roxanne was still no beauty, but she was happy with her looks now. She was married, with two children of her own.

"And I'm surprised that you remember me," he replied, with that twinkle in his eyes that had so captivated her all those years ago. She looked up and met his eyes squarely.

"I never forgot you," she said, with no hint of a smile and her dark eyes deadly serious. "Not ever. You affected my life more than you shall ever know."

And with those last words, she turned and gracefully left the room.

She would never think of him again.

But he would think of her, and in the darkest moments of his life, he would _regret_.


End file.
